Don’t be a football of other people’s opinions

Jan

25

2018

Don\’t be a football of other people\’s opinions. Don\’t worry about what others think about you. In fact, nobody has the time to think about you.
Q: Gurudev, is there a secret to relationships? How can I improve my relationship with my spouse?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Well, you’re asking the wrong person. I have no experience in this. But still I would say, you need to accept the differences, and not insist on others changing to your way at once. You can only suggest your way to others, but not insist on it with your spouse.

I usually say there are four secrets to a successful relationship:
1. A woman should never step on the ego of a man – this is very important. A woman should always pump the ego of the man.
2. A man should not step on the emotions of a woman. He should always nurture the emotions of the woman.
3. Both of them should not ask each other, “Do you really love me?” Stop asking, “Do you really love me?” Or complaining, “You don’t love me these days, you don’t pay attention to me\”. Don’t put the burden of proof on your beloved. They shouldn’t feel burdened to establish their love for you.
4. You be you. Walk your way, with a goal in hand. Otherwise, if you’re focusing your attention on policing your spouse, you’re going to spoil the relationship. This is what happens. You love someone very much, you want to know everything about them and you start policing them, and start asking them a million questions. And they get sick and tired of it, feel strangled and say bye to you.
It’s not just some misunderstanding. It’s too much expression of one’s love, or possessiveness which is like a burden on the spouse. You should give some breathing space to each other.
Take it for granted that there is understanding. Don’t question each other’s love or understanding. This is very important.< When going through a divorce, parents should keep in mind not to go on blaming each other in front of the children. Putting the children against one of the parents is no good. That is a very narrow minded approach. The choice is always between good and the best or bad and worse. Choice is never between good and bad. When there is a good and bad in front of you, there is no choice. Your choice is only between bad and worse or good and the best. And when it is good and best, why do I have to worry so much. Okay fine, so what. Anyways it is good. The choice is always the confusion of wanting more. You know, you want more joy, more happiness, more something. It is good to have that up to certain limit. Beyond that, that becomes a cause of tension in life. Always keep room for possibilities. Logically, you may think that something is impossible, but many a times it becomes possible. So give miracles a chance. A gift from the divine is that of all possibilities. Q: Gurudev, how to keep the Prana (subtle life-force energy) level high even after the Vignana Bhairava Advanced Course? Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: The key is Seva. I would suggest you keep doing some Seva, and stay engaged in knowledge. Tell others about this beautiful knowledge and inspire others about attending Satsang and doing Seva. All this will help to keep the energy levels high. And suppose, even if your energy goes a little low, do not be upset about it. Just know that it will come back again.< Faith and alertness appear to be completely opposite in nature. When you are alert, usually there is no faith and you feel restless and insecure. When there is faith, the mind is secure and rested and you are not alert. There are three types of faith: Tamasic faith which is because of dullness. Like when you do not want to take responsibility or action and you say, \"Oh it doesn’t matter, anyway God will take care of all these things!\" (laughter) Rajasic faith which is brought on by intense compulsion of desires and ambition. The ambition keeps the faith alive. Satvic faith is innocent and is born out of fullness of consciousness. Faith and alertness, though apparently opposite in nature, are actually complementary to each other. In the absence of faith, there can be no growth, and there can be no correct understanding without alertness. Faith can make you complacent. Alertness makes you tense. If there is no faith, there is fear. And when there is no alertness, one cannot perceive or express properly. A combination of both is essential. In Gyana (state of wisdom) there is alertness without tension and faith without complacency. The purpose of education should be to remove the element of dullness from faith and the element of fear from alertness. This is a unique and rare combination. If you have faith and alertness at the same time, then you will become a true Gyani (the Wise One)! Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

In: Art of Living Asked By: [18460 Red Star Level]

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